I think I just played the absolute worst two games of softball I've played since joining this slow-pitch league. Oddly enough, we won our first two games of the season, and are now 2-8 overall. It sure wasn't my hitting or fielding that did it. I was distracted as hell. I really couldn't get my mind in the game at all. I knew exactly why.
I had told Scotti I was going to tell him my secret after the game. We decided to go out for a burger. For me, a bacon cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, grilled onions, mushrooms, jalapeno peppers and mayo. I needed it. I made sure to get a hug in there, too. Partly because I needed one, and partly because I wanted to see if there was a difference between the pre- and post-revelation hugs.
There was.
If there's a downside to blending in as a woman, it's this: people don't see it coming at all when you eventually have to tell them you're transgender (and you will). This can make things awkward as hell. Scotti didn't even really know what to ask me or what to say. He was totally flustered, just like I had been all night up until I told him. At least I felt like a load had been lifted off me, but I hadn't gotten rid of it; I just shifted it over onto him.
I told him to take some time to digest it and see how he feels about dating a trans girl. He might come around, but my guess right now is no. The trans thing's in the way now and it will probably stay in the way. It sure wasn't the same after I told him. He kissed me goodnight, but it was a pretty non-committal, nervous kiss. Not nervous like he was on our first date, either -- a very different kind of nervous.
Funny, but both kisses seemed to be asking, "what do I do now?", but in completely different ways. I guess we'll see.
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Transition Day
3 weeks ago
7 comments:
I'm constantly amazed at how big an issue this is for people. We are forever hearing people judge others negatively using the "If it looks and walks like a duck..." adage, but when presented with a woman who used to have to live as a man... well, they completely lose their minds. Relax! We're just ducks, like all the other damn ducks!! Geez!
Suzanne, I have been in your place, and will be again. My heart goes out to you, and I will pray that your man comes around. Big hugs, girl!
I have been there fairly recently too... It's a sucky position. Sadly, my guy (straight for what it's worth) knew I was trans right away (I am blunt that way), but was attracted to me as the woman I am. Still... when things got a tad bit more intimate he freaked out and disappeared. Knowing someone is trans is one thing. Seeing the incongruities is totally a separate thing.
Sorry to he was having some issues with it. I've yet to date or be in such a situation but I've noticed a distance grow every time I've outed myself. Maybe you just caught him off guard and he'll find it doesn't matter. Good luck with this.
Was it at least a Five Guys burger? I hope he paid.
Sorry he balked hon. We knew he might, remember that his reaction says a lot more about him than it does about you.
Sharon
*hugs* hon. I had a similar experience recently with a guy who really liked me a lot, and I liked him a lot. Unfortunately, he couldn't deal with me being trans, so that was that. I was pretty depressed for a couple of days. Sounds like you're taking it a lot better than I did, at least.
@Sharon Yep, five guys, of course, because you know one's not nearly enough.
@Rebecca (and others) The issue has little to do with his ability to see me as a woman, it's his worry over what it means if he dates me. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, but your friends will tease you mercilessly forever that you went out with a duck that used to not be a duck, is it still a duck?
Easy enough for me to say it's no big deal. I've got no choice but to live with it. He's got to decide if he's really okay with the social stigma, and I already told him it's not something I want to keep secret, so he can't even live stealth with this.
I can totally see where this would be a problem for him. That's one of many reasons I tell guys before things go too far.
Hey, I knew what I signed up for. I can't pretend it doesn't matter, even if I wish it didn't.
This is one big reason that keeps me from going further down the transition road. Once you've transitioned then you are competing with all the genetic women out there (and I guess a few transitioned ones too). It says a huge amount about your that you are being so successful even before you've had any work done. Obviously you are and were always meant to be a woman, not some six-foot half-n-half like some of us (OK, like me). But sadly, there's always going to be this issue, at least for people in our generation (I'm being kind to myself here, lumping myself together with the younger hotties like you and Jessica, etc.) Maybe as TSs become more visible in society and as more people transition younger in life then being trans will be less of an issue. I think a big shock to straight guys must be just how much little difference there is between genetic and trans women. The fact is that there's not a huge amount of difference between people and who you love really is independent of how they're packaged. But of course the entrenched powers that be in society don't want people to figure this out for themselves. If they do then the very fabric of society will be rent asunder and the end of the world will be nigh! It seems we have 3 years left to get busy!!
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