Ennui

I haven't really felt like posting anything here in a while. I haven't felt like doing much of anything. I've been wasting time, which is something I need to stop doing; there's plenty I need to do. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do now, but I do feel like a big part of my journey is now complete.

In Phase 1, I tore apart my life and reinvented myself. I feel mostly settled in that now. Everything I'm doing now -- everything that I am now -- feels more or less natural and routine, and even though I can't pretend that being transsexual makes my life any easier, there's nothing particularly noteworthy I have to say about it that I haven't already said three or four times already. This is just me, and I don't have much in the way of internal conflict about who I am or who I want to be anymore. Or external conflict either, for that matter. I feel pretty well accepted in society.

So maybe I'm just taking a break before starting on Phase 2: getting my life in order. I've said it before that as I made this transition, somehow my whole world has managed to come crashing down around me. The things that I'm not satisfied with now are more to do with my career and my love life (and, I suppose, my advancing age and the state of the world economy, but there's not much I can do about those) than who I am.

I'm not making any promises about whether I'll keep going with this blog with any regularity or not. Frankly, it was important for me to get some things out there early in my transition. Posting it in a public forum was, I suppose, some kind of way of forcing myself to come out to the world. Now it feels more just like exhibitionism. My private life should probably be more private. I've held back remarkably little in the past two years, which may have made this blog interesting, but my life is for me to live, not for others to find fascination in.

So, I'll probably be changing gears some here. I'm not exactly sure how, but I know some of the things I won't be doing:

• Posting mundane details of what I'm doing from day to day. There's a whole service (Twitter) devoted to that, if you want to see how dull people's lives really are.
• Posting links to trans-related news stories and other things. God, there's a million people doing that already, too. The world doesn't need another.
• Posting just for the sake of posting something, since I haven't done it in a while (this post excepted, naturally).

Aside from that, I guess I'll just see what I feel like writing about, if anything. Maybe people will want to read it, and maybe they won't. Either way.

Anyhow, the vicodin I popped 20 minutes ago is about to start kicking in, so I'm going to finish my glass of red wine then epilate my legs. Hey, did you happen to see that news story about the DJs who said those awful things about transgender kids? I'll find the link and post it here for you in my nightly update later on...