My Feminizing Genitoplasty Surgery Diary: Day Minus 4

I finally got home early enough to get out for a run before the sun set completely. First time that's happened all week. It felt really good. I was getting really sick of the gym. Running uphill on a treadmill for an hour in an empty gym while staring at a wall is probably a good metaphor for something, but it's also just damned boring, especially when someone changed the channel on the TVs from CNN to ESPN and they're showing boxing (blech!). I'm pretty sure I could at least have been watching President Obama as he tried to convince me things are gonna be all right.

Every other day this week, I've been getting home around 10 or 11 at night. Today, though, I finally got pretty much everything I need to do done at work before I go on leave, and so not only did I go home just after 5, I also decided that tomorrow morning I'll volunteer to answer the phones for our foreclosure hotline (and really, who wouldn't want a transsexual helping them with advice about their mortgage?), since I don't really have anything else much to do. Projects are all chugging along nicely, with documentation and plans all in place. They might screw everything up when I'm gone, but that won't be my fault. At least I'll know I left things in good shape.

Most of the rest of what I have to do between now and Monday is just packing, a few errands, and some shopping. My paperwork's all in place. I've been following my doctor's instructions. I'm all set, pretty much.

On Tuesday, when I went to Health Services to get the forms for my short-term disability, there was a new nurse running the place. I had to explain my condition all over, and she was very encouraging and enthusiastic. After I told her I was having sex reassignment surgery, she said something like, "Oh, so you'll be changing your name as part of this?" I just laughed and told her no, I've taken care of that already. Suzanne is the new name.

I think I've told that anecdote at least like 4 times now. I must be insecure. Well, it made me feel good most of the day.

Later on that day, I got seriously pissed off in a meeting, when I felt like I was being accused of trying to make a unilateral decision when really all I was doing was recapping a decision made by another group in a prior meeting -- a meeting I didn't even set up in the first place. I wrote an email to the offender telling him the points he was bringing up and the objections he had were good ones, and he should follow up on them, but I didn't care for his tone. "You're right, but lose the attitude," is how I closed it. We're still friends. Air cleared. I may have been extra sensitive from the hormone level changes. Can't really tell, to be honest, because I'm moody and stressed out when I'm on the hormones a lot of times, too. Anyway, I gave them all fair warning I might be flipping out this week. Storming out of one meeting in a week isn't a bad record on that. I've held it together pretty well, considering the pressure I'm feeling.

But not today. Today I got home early and I went for a run and then had some dinner, and everything that needs to be done is done, and everything I need to do is easily doable. I may be a mess in 4 more days, but right now I'm okay.

Oh, and halfway around the world, Alison should be checking in to the hospital for her surgery in about 1/2 hour. I should get an update on how she's doing by morning.